Not How She Wanted To End Things
by ASGeekery
Summary: Commander Shepard always knew she was going to die a warrior's death, but she had no idea she was going to be taken out like that, these are her last moments before she eyes closed for the last time.


''Commander Shepard we're sending you to deal with Geth''

Shepard couldn't help but rub her eyes in pure frustration at the thought of sending her crew, what she had known as family back into danger, without so much as shore leave for what they had done on the citadel. The council signed off as she walked towards the CIC, Joker already had the co-ordinates.

Everyone was there waiting for her, what was once a relaxed crew instantly became stiff by the sight of their frustrated commander

''We have our orders''

''Why do I have a bad feeling of where this is going'' sighed Wrex

The Krogan was never good at showing emotions but even he showed the concern by what his commanding officer was to say

''The council has found signs of Geth outposts, seeing as we're basically the experts on killing the damn things we have to take the outposts out''

''Co-ordinates are punched in commander'' shouted Joker

''How long until we get there?''

''Three days''

''Good'' with that Shepard turned around and made her way to the mess hall.

She looked over at where Kaidan spent most of his time, her fingers traced his terminal, she closed her eyes to stop the tears spilling over, he was the reason she made it through the academy, she knew she couldn't of saved him as he forced her to help Ashley hold the line with the Salarians when he activated the bomb.

''Shepard''

She wiped her tear filled eyes as she turned to face her friend who had followed her to give her some form of comfort as this was the first time she could actually think about what was happening, re-think her actions.

''I'm fine Garrus''

''Bullshit'' said Ashley

''What do you want me to say?'' said Shepard trying to keep her anger in check before she lost control of her biotics

''It wasn't your fault he's dead'' said Liara

''Don't'' barked Shepard

''Shepard he did his job...''

Before Liara could finish her sentence, Shepard had picked up Liara with her biotics and thrown her across the mess hall, Garrus knew she was on the brink of losing control of her biotics and pinned her against the wall

''He died knowing what Saren was going to do, he died to stop him from creating an army of mindless Krogan that would have destroyed everything in it's path, Joker tried to save him but we barely escaped with our lives'' Garrus still had her pinned to the wall as he spoke in a harsh tone into her ear

Alya tried to turn her head but Garrus smashed her into the wall more, making sure she was calm

Chakwras was helping Liara back to her feet, Alya saw her stand up shakily and when she realised that she had hurt someone she loved in a fit of pure rage, she knew she was hurting but the last thing she wanted to do was hurt the people who had stood by her side as they saved each other's lives countless times

Garrus finally let go of Shepard when he felt her relax, he took a few steps forward and made a point of standing between her and the others in a fatherly way to see the wall her faced was pressed up against was smeared with her blood, he had a worried look on his face but Shepard didn't care she was in pain, her emotions were getting the better of her so she grabbed a bottle of the strongest whiskey the Normandy carried and took it off to her room.

Her nose stopped bleeding by the time she got to her cabin, it was nothing but a dull ache but nothing compared to pain of losing someone under her command, she had not long send his family the letter, a letter she never thought she was going to have to write about how much a brave man had activated the nuke before Shepard had even given the order as she was too busy trying to get Ashley into the Normandy while Saren had Shepard by the throat against a wall, Alya was only able to escape as her anger got the better of her as her biotics flared up, with a blurred vision she griped her pistol and struggled to focus on him as he fled the scene.

The circumstances of his death played in her mind over and over again, well since they defeated Saren any way as so much had happened since then she hadn't had time to process his loss.

Her buzzer pulled her from the abyss of the very strong whiskey that she had been consuming

''Piss off'' Shepard shouted

Her buzzer rung again

''Oh for ... it's open''

Shepard barely had time to sit up before her friends came into her room all holding various bottles each with a darker liquid than the last, what suprised Shepard the most was that Liara was there as well, Shepard stood up and instantly wrapped her arms around her dear friends neck

''I'm so sorry''

''No harm done, I crossed a..''

''No I shouldn't have lost it with you like that''

With that Shepard started to cry over everything, she lost a member of her crew, her friend, he was the brother she never had as they had gone through everything together

''We all miss him, Als'' said Ashley

She wasn't use to people calling her by the nickname her father always said, her body stiffened by those words. The action wasn't lost on everyone and Ashley was well aware she made the mistake as she had witness her commander in the past tear her mother a new one calling her by the same name

''Shepard if it wasn't for him none of us would be here'' Ashley made the point of correcting herself as she quickly realised what she had said

That night they all told each other stories of Kaidan Alenko, especially Shepard as she, Joker had known him the longest, everywhere Shepard went Alenko went along for the ride as well as Garrus.

''We were going through hand to hand combat together and our instructors made a point of getting two boitics to fight each other, everyone had seen each of us fight separately and the bets were seriously divided, Anderson and my mother were called in, as I had Kaidan by the throat and I wasn't even touching him. What made it worse was that was the first time my mother had ever seen my use my biotics all because he called me a spoiled navy brat'' laughed Shepard

''I bet your mum was furious'' said Ashley as she took a massive gulp of her brewerage

''Actually that was the first time I knew she was proud of me'' with that a new sadness came over Shepard

''Where did you get your biotics from?'' asked Liara

''No idea, I was born with them, they didn't discover I was a biotic until after I had my eye surgery''

''Eye Surgery?''

Shepard paused for a moment as she played with the bottle of whiskey, ''I was actually born blind, with my parents being in highly paid naval jobs I now walk around with synthetic eyes'' nodded Shepard

''Is that why you hate wearing your helmet?'' asked Garrus

''Sounds stupid but I can see better without it'' smiled Shepard

''I was the doctor who performed that surgery on her'' said Chawkras

''So that's why you mother her'' replied Liara

''Of course, and it's why she won't let another doctor near her, but she was so brave in that that surgery, the morning after that surgery I took her to the roof so she could watch her first sunrise, instead of saying how beautiful it was she started rambling about what she hoped her parents ship looked like'' laughed Chawkras

''I like big ships, I cannot lie'' smiled Shepard

That comment had everyone laughing with her

''I've got a good story, I remember this one time Shepard took the reins of the Mako, I grabbed the gun and tore through the turrets but Alenko squeezed onto his harness for dear life as Shepard flipped the damn thing'' Garrus laughed

Everyone joined in with his laughter, most of them were quite drunk with this story apart from Liara who was slightly swaying at this point

A set of loud alarms woke up the very hung over Shepard, Joker was practically yelling through the on-board sound system that a massive ship came out of nowhere, Shepard grabbed her armour as well as a fire extinguisher as she made her way through the ship that was violently rocking everyone. Ashley helped Shepard put out some of the fires.

''Get everyone to the escape pods now'' barked Shepard

''Ai ai Commander''

Smoke was filling the ship, Shepard already had her helmet on as fresh oxygen filled her suit preventing her from inhaling smoke, she pressed her body to the side as a red hot beam started to tear through the ship like a knife through butter.

''Joker'' shouted Shepard

The doors were jammed and refused to open which meant one thing

''Shit'' barked Shepard

Ashley sent the signal that everyone who was still alive had made it off the ship, but Shepard knew better, she knew how much Joker loved the ship

Shepard magnetised her boots as she activated the override command, the doors opened and all she could see was Space, anything that wasn't bolted down was spaced, she tried not to think about the people that had been killed by the ship that had done this as she made her way towards the force field that was keeping Joker at his post

''We have to leave now'' barked Shepard

''I'm not leaving I can still save her'' said Joker as he frantically pressed buttons on the holographic console

''I won't let you go down with the ship'' barked Shepard as she tried to yank Joker out of his chair

He tried to fight back but eventually gave in as he got himself out of the chair

Shepard put her arm around Joker knowing just how fast he could move, when another beam tore through the hull, Shepard barely managed to get Joker into the pod when the beam forced her to the other side of the ship, she pushed button and she was spaced.

Hiss

Click

Hiss

Click

Hiss, hiss, hiss

''That's not right'' Shepard thought to herself as she drifted from the wreckage of the Normandy. She quickly realised that her oxygen line had been punctured and she rushed to seal the leak with her biotics, although she knew it was too late. She had maybe a minute of oxygen left, if she was lucky. She knew of course that she would have fallen into the planet's atmosphere long before help arrived but there was a certain finality to hearing her oxygen escape from her suit and out into the black.

So, this was how she was going to die. Not in the fiery heat of battle but the inky blackness of space.

Completely alone.

She refused to cry.

She had to be strong in the face of impending doom.

It was simply who she was.

Even if there was no one there to stay strong for ...

''Shepard?''

Shepard instinctively turned her head to face the small, electronic voice despite the knowledge that the sound was coming through her suit comm system which apparently hadn't been damaged in the blast.

''Garrus?'' she asked the voice, determined to keep strong.

To not be afraid

''Shepard I'm sorry. We can't get to you. You just have to hold on until help arrives.''

''My oxygen supply got hit in the blast, looks like my luck has just run out.'' she tried to laugh to keep the humour flowing

''Shepard I...''

''Did everyone else make it out?''

''We lost Pressly and some other crewmen from the lower decks but most of us are here.'' Said Ashley as she took over the comm link

''That's something at least, now I want you to make sure no one blames themselves for this, especially Joker. And tell... God, just tell him...'''

''Don't worry Shepard, he'll know'' said Garrus with a sadness over him none of them had seen before.

The comm was suddenly filled with static as Shepard had switched it off as she made sure her last thoughts were of the people she loved.

Tali, was the younger sister she was never allowed

Liara was the girl everyone wanted except Shepard

Kaidan was nothing but a lost puppy

Ashley was the girl who had a lot to prove

Joker always one to turn a bad mission into a bad joke to keep her spirits up

Wrex the always insane bodyguard

Finally Garrus, she hated the fact he had to see her go out like this, they were meant to do a simple Geth clear out then back to the Citadel, as everyone had a name for themselves now they had all helped to defeat Saren.

''I'll always watch over you'' She managed to whisper one last time as her eyes closed and she slipped out of consciousness and into the black.


End file.
